It's beautiful to want. It's beautiful to long for someone. Somewhere along the way we decided that was cringe.
In this clip, Esther Perel and Jay Shetty explore why so many of us chase agreeableness instead of real love — from turning to AI companions that never disagree with us to believing we need to be a finished, perfect person before we can be in a relationship.
Esther explains the difference between toxic codependence and healthy interdependence, why desire grows from difference rather than compatibility, and what she means when she says there is no love without the fear of loss.
Learn about why working on yourself in isolation can only take you so far, and why the moment you actually change is the moment someone else is standing in front of you.
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Chapters
0:00 — Why we're all chasing agreeableness
0:08 — The partner who balances you out
1:09 — Your counterforce is what lets you be you
2:36 — Asking AI what Esther Perel would say
3:34 — The session she recorded with a man and an AI
5:33 — Do we really want to plan our own extinction
6:04 — Agreeableness breeds narcissism
6:50 — Why love became fast food
7:44 — Love isn't hard, love is active
8:29 — There is no love without the fear of loss
9:12 — When did having a boyfriend become cringe
10:33 — Wanting, owning the wanting, and desire
12:06 — Should you fix yourself before you date
13:51 — Toxic codependence vs healthy interdependence
15:38 — On your own but not alone
16:22 — Watching his wife run HYROX
Watch the FULL episode on Netflix & Spotify 🎙️
Netflix - https://dub.sh/QaUsKeD
Spotify - https://dub.sh/axUXylv
Full Episode With Esther Perel:
https://youtu.be/LWsb4Sf2Z1M
Episode Resources:
Website | https://www.estherperel.com/
YouTube | https://www.youtube.com/@estherperel
Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/esther.perel/
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/estherperelofficial
LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/estherperel
TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@estherperel_official
Substack | https://estherperel.substack.com/
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/where-should-we-begin-with-esther-perel/id1237931798
https://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence/dp/0060753641
